Blueberry Hill
by ChocolateChipCapitalism
Summary: Harry Potter and Edward Cullen, has had a romantic relationship for quite some time now, but something or someone might come in between them. Vladimir Putin has plans to take over the world, and Edward has been working for him for a long time, but what will he do, when Putin asks him to make the biggest sacrifice of all?
1. Chapter 1 Waking up without you

Edwards naked pale body would glow in the moonlight, as Harry watched him so gracefully.

,,Oh Edward, I don't want to sleep just yet" he whispered tiredly from the long hours of making sweet love to his boyfriend.

,,But Harry, you poor thing. You humans need sleep. I will watch over you, as you close you eyes and wander into dreamy dreamland. You immortality is so precious and fragile, it makes my heart ache" Edward whispered poetically in his gorgeous voice.

Oh well, Harry thought. As long as I get to lie next to my super hot vampire boyfriend.

The next morning Harry woke up from a steamy erotic dream, involving himself, Edward and Tyrion Lannister. Tyrion sure knew his way with a pogo-stick, Harry thought.

But Edward was not lying next to him, as he had promised the night before.

Harry went up and into the kitchen of the small apartment in Newer New New York, and looked for his lover. Edward stood bare-chested in manly Marlboro jeans, smoking a long thin cigarette, as only he could without looking homosexual.

,,You need to leave" Edward said while inhaling the smoke into his already dead lungs.

,,Why? Is it because of her? That BELLA! Can't you just leave her?" Harry asked desperately.

,,You know it won't work. She went crazy the last time. Not even my plan to make Jasper fake an attempted attack worked. I can't do that to her again. You understand" Edward explained, sighed like a hot non-caring straight guy who didn't have sex with men, but did it anyway

,,What about me!?" Harry cried out, running towards the door, not even waiting for an answer, while he was still naked, because he forgot to put on clothes.

,,Wizards" Edward sighed, and lit up another useless cigarette for his own entertainment.


	2. Chapter 2 The Mission

Edward waited for his next guest, while he heard Harry run down the stairs of the apartment building.

Suddenly he was Cedric Diggory once again, but now with raven black hair, like a confused gothkid.

The door opened and Cedric sighed while he drew a last puff of his cigarette, and stood there as the eternal sex symbol he was for many young men and women.

His guest entered the kitchen and Cedric looked up, at a botox-faced, semi-old man, in a grey suit with stunning ice-blue eyes and big manly hands.

,,You are early" Edward said, for one moment forgetting he was Cedric.

,,I doubt that" Vladimir Putin said in his thrilling thick Russian accent, just like a real Russian macho manly man. ,,A dictator is never late nor is he early. He arrives exactly when he means to destroy".

Cedric raised his well-sculptured face and looked Putin right into his cold and enchanting blue eyes.

,,So tell me? What do you have for me this time?" Cedric asked challengingly.

,,I need you to bring Bella to me. She is the key to unlocking the truth of world domination. I can't keep invading one little scrap of a country after another. We need action Robert and you know it" Putin said in a serious Russian way, as only a Russian dictator could do.

,,DON'T CALL ME THAT NAME!" Cedric said angrily and threw some random kitchen stuff across the room.

,,Calm down. It is who you are. You must accept it" Putin ordered without flinching.

,,When Bella was Snow White, she made connections with the Huntsman, and he has viable information. I need you to exterminate Bella and Edward, so we are rid of those fuckers and their lame-ass relationship, but also so Bella will only be Snow White, and she will stop obsessing over Edward, and MOVE THE FUCK ON so we can use her to find the Huntsman" Putin then explained while moving a few steps closer towards Cedric.

,,No.." Cedric whispered desperately.

Only as Edward he could be with Harry, the boy he loved, and if Edward was exterminated, they would never be together again. They couldn't be together as Harry and Cedric. That would be weird. It was possible, but really weird. Mostly because Cedric dated Cho, Harrys' now ex-girlfriend, before his fake death, so he could serve Putin in secret, but also because Harry would be totally mad that he never told him he wasn't dead, because Harry was all upset and stuff. Also it would just be weird in general. For obvious non-clear reasons.

,,You must do it Robert, remember you swore your life to me" Putin said and moved so close to Cedric that their lips were less than an inch from each other.

,,Don't call me Robert" Cedric whispered completely infatuated with Putin's blue authoritarian eyes.

Putin leaned close into Cedrics ear and whispered. ,,Though we're apart  
You're part of me still".

Cedric knew what this meant. There was no way around it. Bella and Edward needed to go. Not just because their relationship is fucking annoying and hella abusive, like common, wtf, but also for the greater good of Russia taking over the world.


	3. Chapter 3 Back to Forks

As Cedric was on his way to Forks Washington, where Bella still lived with her father Charlie, who had a manly moustache, he would think back to that horrible night on the graveyard.

Putin had already explained the plan, so the moment they arrived and the fake curse hit him in his pumped chest, he wasn't surprised. Am I ever really surprised by anything? Cedric thought and lit up a cigarette, looking cool leaning his arm out the window, steering with one hand. He didn't care about traffic accidents. Not since he learned they didn't care about him either.

Harry screams were unbearable. Cedric wish he could have told him he wasn't really dead, and that Voldemort was really working for Vladimir Putin (if that isn't fucking obvious then what is?) and they had planned his escape from the magic world. But somehow he still remained Cedric, even after he was supposed to die.

_You are supposed to be Robert, _Putin's words whispered in the back of his mind.

Cedric shook off the feeling, and kept on driving, because that is what he had been doing the entire time

When he arrived at Bella's house, he was Edward. He went to the back of the car and got the pink Kalashnikov he got from Putin personal collection. He had asked for another color, but Putin said it was the only color he had.

Edward took a deep breath and then went into the house. He walked into the living room where Charlie was sitting, watching football, being stereotypical as always.

The moustache was there, manly as always and Edward felt a suppressed sexual tension build up inside him. He aimed rifle at the back of Charlie's head and shot him. Cesaire from Red Riding Hood, rose from the sofa and looked at Edward with relief in his eyes.

,,Thank you. This place is driving me crazy" he said, and walked out.

Edward went up to Bella's room. She was sitting, doing homework, not listening to music, being a boring empty character that anyone could relate to, because she really was just not described as personality with any kind of substance.

Edward thought she wouldn't be much of a loss. He aimed and shot her. She looked up and now she was Snow White.

,,I need you to come with me" Edward said, completely forgetting about exterminating himself. Maybe he didn't want to remember.

,,Got them apples?" Snow White said, and started laughing uncontrollably. She then disappeared in a cloud ravens and snow and shit, and left an engraved message on the wall saying: **Motherfucking fairest of all them basic bitches.**

Edward rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger and sighed heavily. This was not what he had planned, but what can you expect? Putin should have known. But he didn't.

,,…part of me still" Edward whispered to himself, as his words lingered in the air of the cold desperate night that had just begun in his life and heart, and also in the world.


	4. Chapter 4 Only Russia

Draco was sitting alone in his dark room, where everything was black, because he was depressed and lonely inside.

The door opened and Hermione entered. She was dressed in sexy red and black lingerie and her golden-brown her, was flower over her shoulders like a waterfall with too much dirt in it.

,,Do you like this one?" she asked, looking at Draco smiling nervously.

,,Yes of course, you look lovely. Come over here" he said and clapped his thigh with his right hand.

Hermione went over and sat across his crotch on the bed, looking down upon him.

,,Have you heard anything from Harry?" Draco asked while he gently touched her pale breasts.

,,Not since he was thrown into Azkaban for being a fucking commie" Hermione said and started unbuttoning Draco's shirt.

,,Voldemort still wants him for some reason. I thought he wouldn't need him, after Putin declared him irrelevant to the mission. But for some reason Voldemort can't let go" Draco said, trying to sound serious while Hermione pulled of his shirt, exposing his man-candy chest.

,,Then why don't you ask Vladimir to speak to Voldy?" Hermione said impatiently and started to open Draco's belt.

,,Don't ever call him that in public" Draco laughed while she pulled off his pants.

,,Harry is not important anymore. When Putin gets his will, there will be no world, only Russia, and we will be his minions, getting all the benefits that comes with sucking up to Putin" Hermione explained and smiled greedily at Draco.

Draco never understood how Hermione had turned from humanitarian bookish shy girl, into this greedy, power-hungry worshipper of darkness. But he liked it. And he liked the new benefits he got from this new side of her.

,,Are you ready?" she asked while rubbing his thigh and looking at him with thirsty eyes.

Draco nodded.

,,Okay. 1 and 2 and 3 and 4" and they both jumped off the bed, and started there nearly-naked ballet routine, which they were to show at the next experimental contemporary dance competition, in the center of Newer New New York.


	5. Chapter 5 Waking up with you

After failing to provide Snow white for Putin, Edward returned to his small apartment in Newer New New York, only to find Harry there waiting for him.

,,I have longed for the smell of your skin cells" Harry said, as they embraced each other in a romantic sort of embrace.

Edward didn't know what to say. He was not allowed to tell Harry about Putin's plans. For all Harry knew, Putin was nothing but muggle. If he only knew.

They made salty sailor love for hours and when they were finally done, Edward stood up to smoke one of his cigarettes, because he was cool.

Harry took of his sailor hat and wiped the sweat of his forehead.

,,When am I gonna meet your parents?" he asked with such eager that it sickened Edward and his coolness.

,,They are playing baseball" he said and blew smoke into the moist air of the dark room.

,,They have been doing that for months now, aren't they ever gonna stop?" Harry asked and looked confused in his face.

Edward shook his head. Harry had been a bit dense since he got out of Azkaban. Edward missed the old days, where Harry was intelligent and passionate, but he hoped that the old Harry would return to him soon.

They went to sleep because it was late and they were both tired from the salty sailor love making.

The next morning he woke up because Harry was screaming like a little turtle.

,,Oh my god! It is you!? How can it be!?" he yelled and screamed and said loudly.

The night before Edward has so much on his mind that he accidentally became Cedric and fell asleep next to Harry.

Fuck! Cedric thought. This was going to get them both in trouble.

,,It is not as you think" Cedric said and tried calming Harry down, but he was hysterical.

,,You lied! You lied to me!" Harry screamed.

Harry then took of his clothes and jumped on a white horse and rode into the sunset.

Cedric sighed heavily and rubbed his temples. He was super frustrated and the storyline was getting quite confusing and stopped making sense.


End file.
